June 12, 2024


It’s no longer about candy and UNICEF.

It’s the curious case of the promiscuous pumpkin. Every year I think it can’t get worse and yet somehow it does. At some point all of the pumpkins grew up, hit puberty and started flaunting their ripe bosoms.

Straddling the line between fall and winter, plenty and paucity, life and death, Halloween is a time of celebration and superstition.

The festival dates back to the 16th century, when its name was All-Hallows-Even; back then the word “even” was short for evening.

Halloween is thought to have originated with the ancient Celtic festival of Samhain.

Nearly 2,000 years ago, people would light bonfires and wear costumes to ward off roaming ghosts.

The festival was adapted by Christianity.

In the eighth century, Pope Gregory III designated Nov. 1 as All Saints’ Day; the day was a time to honour all saints and martyrs and incorporate some of the traditions of the neo-pagan Samhain.
Over time, Halloween has evolved into a secular, community-based event characterized by child-friendly activities such as trick-or-treating, bobbing for apples and bonfires with tasty treats.

Last year as I walked downtown in Waterloo I noticed am emerging trend with young people; no one was dressed up as the usual ghost using a bedsheet, or as a big round pumpkin. Instead, girls were dressed up as ghosts using only body paint, or pumpkins with just an orange mini dress barely covering their rear, trotting around in six-inch patent heels.

Is Halloween just an excuse for this generation to unleash their inner harlot? This is a phenomenon I just cannot understand.

I missed the point when Halloween stopped being about candy and collecting UNICEF donations. Now it is all about becoming ladies of the evening, who wear black leather thigh-highs, crimson red lipstick and a neon yellow thong. I am concerned not only for the preservation of the family fun the evening brings, but the health of some of these slutty pumpkins.

My advice to you: cover up. It is October, which means it is autumn. You are going to get cold. So eat some candy corn and wear a sweater!

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