April 1, 2023

Aquarius: January 21 – February 19

You love going against the current, but are also prone to lazy spells. This week, break that laziness and do something unorthodox. For example, attach a rope ladder to your bedroom window and use that. Stairs are for chumps!

Pisces: February 20 – March 20

If you were in a role-playing game, you might find that you have a high intelligence score and a lower wisdom score. This week, do some people watching or try hitchhiking across North America.

Aries: March 21 – April 20

Something big is coming soon. Don’t plan for it, your impatience will make it feel like hitting your head against a metaphorical brick wall. Instead, improvise. It’ll be more exciting.

Taurus: April 21 – May 21

You’re used to people spilling their guts to you, because of your caring nature. The stress is building, it’s time for you to unload. Go to the zoo and tell the animals your troubles.


Gemini: May 22 – June 21

The duality of your nature makes you hard for others to read. Complexity is more exciting anyway. Carry flash cards with you, stating your mood. You can pin them to your forehead.

Cancer: June 22 – July 22

You love your privacy and the comfort of your home, but your friends pressure you to go out to social gatherings which drain your energy. Hook a friend up with an earpiece and hidden camera and hang out with them from the comfort of your own couch.

Leo: July 23 – August 21

You’re a natural born leader. You usually know what’s what, which others can find off-putting, but you’re just looking out for them. Take the back seat. When the lives of the people around you fall to shambles, you’ll be there to pick up the pieces.

Virgo: August 22 – September 23

You’re an excellent story-teller, but your natural abilities may have led you to become overconfident in your skills. Even professional athletes need practice. This week, read a picture book to an illiterate child.

Libra: September 24 – October 23

You have excellent intuition. Take advantage of it. Head to the horse races and bet on whatever feels right. When your horse hits the track, yell as loud as you can.

Scorpio: October 24 – November 22

In your past life they referred to you as the “spinner of secrets.” Find a challenge to face. Climb a mountain, win a rap battle or play matchmaker. Use your hidden talents.

Sagittarius: November 23 – December 22

You like to tackle big tasks. If you’re not sure where your attention should lie this week, try building a fully-functioning submarine out of Lego.

Capricorn: December 22 – January 20

You’re the Socrates of your group. You enjoy searching for answers and when you tell your friends your ideas, they respond with, “ugh.” Who cares? When you’re studying lore at Miskatonic University you’ll feel superior knowing they’re busy taking selfies.

Leave a Reply