June 18, 2021

There are many things that people say or ask gays that they just shouldn’t. Even certain assumptions can be offensive. Here are three things that I hear people say or accusations they make towards gay people. Let’s clear those up so you don’t offend anyone.

  1. Don’t ask who the man is in the relationship

When you see a gay couple, don’t ask them who the “man” is or who’s the one paying for dinner. In a lot of queer relationships, there is a masculine and feminine person, but not always. In my opinion, just don’t ask. Stay out of it. You wouldn’t ask a heterosexual couple who the man is in the relationship, would you? Don’t ask a queer couple that. I promise you, if you ask queer people this, you will get weird looks. Just don’t bother asking because it really doesn’t matter.

Photo credit to Isi Parente from Unsplash

2. Don’t say the word “lifestyle”

DO NOT. I REPEAT. DO NOT say the word “lifestyle” or “chosen lifestyle”. Gay people don’t choose to be gay. With the backlash against LGBT+ people, that’s not something people would choose to be a part of. Most people in the gay community have probably struggled with their sexuality, so I guarantee that’s not something they would want to continue struggling with. The word “lifestyle” is also very demeaning. Assuming that they live and breathe “gay” every day, is not really an acceptable theory. Heterosexuals don’t choose who they are attracted to nor talk about their way of being “straight” so there’s no need to tell a gay person that it’s their chosen lifestyle. They don’t like to hear that.

Photo credit to Teddy Österblom from Unsplash

3. Don’t assume they like you

This is hands down the BIGGEST pet peeve gay people have. Just because gay girls have friends that are girls, doesn’t mean they like them in that way. Same thing for guys. Usually, gay people have personal boundaries in friend groups so they don’t ruin friendships. I’m sure straight people also create these boundaries, so they don’t make anything awkward, either. A word of advice, just don’t assume they like you. If a gay person wanted a relationship with you or found you attractive, you would know it. In some cases, gay people can be flirty but don’t dwell on that too much. They will probably tell you if they like you. Just don’t assume. It makes them question your relationship with them and how they act in general.

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